ideals, you say

for the august 2015 carnival of aces

an ideal ace community? well, by loose sections:

  • citations. of. word. origins.
  • identities as tools and maps; easily found, welcoming definitions with histories included; no prescribing or policing.
  • no more “everyone has a romantic and a sexual orientation”
  • no more “can’t tell the difference between types of attractions” taking over “does not find x attraction a meaningful concept”
  • sexual disorders acknowledged, understood, represented, with accessible options and stories and connection opportunities
  • no more “just use more lube!!” in response to worries.
  • also, sti resources, living with sti’s, end of stigma, enthusiastic acceptance of continued sexual agency
  • relatedly: non-alienating, integrated* language for non-binary bodies
  • no more militant “everyone needs pap smears!! dangerous and irresponsible to ever say otherwise!”
  • instead, acknowledging medical transition plans, agency in healthcare; accuracy in reporting risks/effectiveness, and understanding of risk-taking rights
  • same for hormone blockers (and not just puberty blockers)
  • representation and understanding of non-agender non-binary people, and no false assertions of the ace community’s trans savviness
  • other relevant terms also being readily findable (paper/stone/paper maché; sensory overload;)
  • neurodivergences fully understood, embraced, discussed
  • race, ethnic, cultural, and national identities, and immigrant status, all integrated, represented, understood, treated respectfully as a matter of course–and never shoved into or out of ace (or allo) identity
  • aces of all ages fully comfortable, connected as much as they want, supported in life stages especially older age
  • networks of grey folks.
  • ready understanding from the layperson about what greyness means.
  • no more assumptions that greyness means you will never be attracted to a person
  • no more “cuddly safe asexual friend” tropes.
  • clear language and integration of grey and ace-spectrum folks, rather than “ace” being unclear
  • queenie not having to repost “here goes everything” anymore, and having a surplus of resources/volunteers for her and RFAS
  • (hell, a full-fledged competent therapist directory complete w intersections and affordability/healthcare)
  • decentralized ace vis/end to AVEN supremacy
  • no more spectators showing up to ace conferences (not without getting evicted)

*integrated, as opposed to empowered or liberated or included. actual fundamental integration.


9 thoughts on “ideals, you say

  1. queenieofaces says:

    “citations. of. word. origins.”
    THIS PLEASE YES THANK YOU. My favorite mis-citation I’ve seen is someone saying that “alloromantic” was coined by white sexologists when…it was (as far as I know) coined…by me… *jazz hands* Then again, I’m an academic and a historian and am always vaguely horrified when people don’t know their ace community history (especially since so much of it is so easy to Google and it only happened six months ago).

    Also, thanks for including RFAS on the list, although I have to say that we’re actually doing surprisingly well internally. Like, yeah, we could always use more volunteers and it would be great if we could ever get large enough to support a real crisis line and a therapist directory, but, holy frick, the people on The List are really amazing, and everyone on the RFAS team is really amazing. I never expected it to be doing this well, to be honest. Most of the issues RFAS has are related to, you know, non-survivors saying ignorant things and then me reposting “Here goes everything.” BUT I’m working on a guide for people who want to write about ace survivors without shoving their feet in their mouth, so hopefully that will help. (At minimum, I will have more than one post on why people should stop doing the thing, so maybe I can stop linking only the one.)

    (Also, sort of tangential but, have been thinking a lot about the confluence of paper/stone/paper mache with trauma/PTSD; is that something you would ever be interested in collaborating on?)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My favorite mis-citation of a word origin in the asexual community was when someone began a sentence to me, “But ‘allosexual’ was coined in the asexual community for [reason that wasn’t actually the case],” not realizing that they were talking to the person who coined it in the ace community (me).


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