*drags hand down face*
ok, so a lot of what i’m finding with these words is… christians accusing other groups of being cults-not-real-christians (especially because… they are influenced by or acknowledge other religions..?) and therefore “abusing the spirit” by “misleading”
(even one of wikipedia’s criteria: “practice of spiritualism, mysticism, and/or unproven or unorthodox doctrines and theology” — way to be obvious about trying to assail beliefs you disagree with)
and a lot of what else i’m finding is couched in ableist language (“well-meaning christians who lack empathy and are narcissistic and are dissociated[?!]”, “addicts and obsessives”) and also does a weird “they probably didn’t mean to” thing that…feels icky around abuse even though i Get it and it’s nice to see acknowledged that it isn’t always intentional? (“probably” seems to be the issue i think)
annnnd everything is written by cishet white (mostly dude) christians.
and so much of it is about an abusive church rather than individuals or family — about a church that controls its christian members, rather than about christians gaslighting/abusing others or, gasp, non-christians.
(it’s just, remarkably striking, how everything is about supporting your spiritually abused fellow christians. never ever ever about supporting spiritually abused people who are not christian now. and of course, it’s also about how you shouldn’t give up on god, don’t let a little thing like abuse get in the way. except it’s so stridently about that, so pushily assuming that of course you’ll end up christian…like, uh?? creepy echoes??)
(and of course, it is all entirely about christianity.)
i want this to be useful. i want to find the gems that actually discuss trauma done by spiritual/religious sources — which, sure, can include trauma to one’s spirituality (or “spirit” i guess), but Also should include other trauma to other areas — i don’t like this definition of “x trauma means trauma to x” and trying to decide where trauma is wholly situated. symptoms are more complicated than that. i like the definition of “x trauma means trauma from x”
i don’t want to give up on these words as too nebulous and horribly misused 😦 i just found them (thanks uu smal group)! there’s gotta be something here!
(i especially want stuff on separating/processing spiritual abuse vs religious/scrupulous ocd. where does spiritual trauma come from. how do you separate out your parents’ actions from their church. how do you deal with “well i have PTSD symptoms…now, what from….” etcetc)
although… even thinking about “ok how do we keep from bashing christianity/religion as inherently abusive/brainwashing… while validating experiences of abuse… and also avoid saying True christianity can’t be/isn’t abusive……arghhh” is. my brain hurts
i mean, i would go back to just, “alright let me describe my experience and try to pinpoint more ways it’s messed me up” but. it’s all so big, too big for one map. and i’m sick of drawing it anew without references or placenames.
(and yknow. ending up shaking after replaying we know the devil for the third time, and being told my immersion in literally-no-contact-outside-the-church until age 12 was “worse” than someone who identified as spiritually abused, and trying to parse this damn ocd book with its good pieces on scrupulosity but alienating language and trying rephrase it to be about past-day religious ocd morphing into present-day moral sj scrupulosity….
..like. the trauma feels are swinging around to yelling about this arena. so where is the more-or-less safe reading that acknowledges the complicatedness?)
((arghhhh, sexual abuse resources about getting “back” to your healthy healthy sex, spiritual abuse resources about getting “back” to your healthy healthy christianity. because those are the things that matter.))
it’s also..funny-scary to notice how much stuff about “churches” rings true about sj communities….so at least this is useful, even if it’s impossible for me to sort out what-was-my-parents-what-was-their-church-i-was-a-kid. this book is pretty okay, and this site,
words!!! concepts! snarled tangles of brain! keyterms to search for possibly-not-completely-awful resources. processing. bluhhhh.