yeugh

you ever remember ex-friends that made you question your physical intimacy boundaries?

the kind where it feels – i dunno, even more artificial and Logical and like you’re trying to convince yourself it-makes-sense, more than normal? and maybe you should just let it happen and it feels constantly like it’s on the verge right there but you’d have to trigger it so it’d be Consent?

the kind where when you get a long enough break from them you dread seeing them again.  where you feel so fake when you’re able to talk badly about them so easily it rolls off your tongue without meaning to and surprises you.

i think i had four of those at once, all at cross-purposes with each other. yeugghhhhhh.

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One thought on “yeugh

  1. My mom got miffed at me the other day for telling her not to pat my head. Because “I don’t like the way that feels so stop doing it to me” is apparently more irrational than “I demand entitlement to touch you however I want if *I* decide it’s okay and you’ll feel about it the way I want you to feel about it.” It’s still hard to fight the idea that I’m not being petty, that *I’m* not being rude to *her* by just being honest when I don’t like something.

    Anyway the point is, I feel this.

    Liked by 1 person

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