Glossary

My definitions of the following. Those words I’ve personally coined are *marked with an asterisk. As of [1/11/15] these mainly link to my tumblr.

WORDS TO USE:

The Quoi Group:

*Quoi-: (tag here) ?? WTF?? What?? Quoi. What even. More formally: Someone who finds the concept of {romantic attraction | sexual attraction | gender identity}, or of existing {romantic | sexual | gender} words, to themself to be inaccessible, inapplicable, non-sensical,etc.

*Quoiromantic: (tag here) WTFromantic; “What even is romantic orientation, what are you asking me for, aghhh does not compute, does not apply.” In the vein of romantic orientation labels, is a response of “What. What??”

*Quoisexual: (tag here) “What even is sexual attraction. Am I experiencing it right now??? How do you even know.

*Quoigender: (tag here) “Ugh, what gender even.”

The Stone Group:

Stone: Someone who strongly prefers to give (usually sexual) touch, but not receive it.

Paper: (tag here) Someone who strongly prefers to receive (usually sexual) touch, but not give it.

*Paper maché: (tag here) Someone who strongly prefers to either give or receive (usually sexual) touch, but not both at once, or even both within a certain time-frame. Someone who strongly prefers mono-directional, one-way touch.

Stone femme: [contradictory usage alert!]

  1. A femme who strongly prefers to receive (usually sexual) touch, but not give it; who technically fits the definition of paper, but uses stone, perhaps because it is more recognizable, or perhaps to signal they are seeking someone stone (such as a stone butch), or perhaps some other reason.
  2. A femme who strongly prefers to give (usually sexual) touch, but not receive it; who is stone.

Femme: Inherently queer / challenging cisheteronormativity. Does not necessarily relate to feminine, or woman, at all. May be a means of resisting or reclaiming or redefining misgendering on one’s own terms. Not necessarily related to how one looks or is perceived. Not necessarily about presentation; see also expression, embodiment, manifestation.

*Ilyagender: (tag here) Having a tangible¹presence of gender, one which is not man, woman, neutral, or agender in any way, nor between or a combination or derivation. From “il y a” which is French for “there exists.” Related: aliagender, aporagender, maverique.
¹
tangible; extant; positive

*Xenogenital: An identity in which you feel less dysphoric by conceptualizing your genitalia as alien (eg as tentacles). May or may not be further related to other parts of your identity.

The Sex-Feeling Group:

Sex-Repulsed, Sex-Averse, and Sex-Conflicted: What it says on the tin.  People vary on preferred terms of identification and are not all asexual-spectrum.

Sex-Indifferent and Sex-Ambivalent: The usual self-identifications for being indifferent/ambivalent towards sex.  Not quite the same words, they have different connotations and different people may identify with one and not the other. Again, does not necessarily imply someone is on the asexual-spectrum.

Sex-Neutral: Contrast with Sex-Positive versus Sex-Negative, the Ethical Slut versus the Ethical Prude. A third option which views sex itself as neutral, and strives to address both repression/desexualization and compulsory sexuality/hypersexualization and rape culture.

WORDS TO AVOID:

Third gender: Colonialist/imperialist history, used to eradicate indigenous and PoC and non-Western genders, very racist at this point.

Other gender: See third gender.

Pillow princess, do me queen: Derogatory. Often misgendering. Historically used to refer to paper, to people who strongly prefer to receive but not give (usually sexual) touch. May be reclaimed, but should not be used for others without consent, even fondly. Not an umbrella or generic term.

Sex-Favorable: Has consent / compulsory sexuality issues, and is rarely an actual claimed self-identification (much like “sexually available”).  Usually implies an asexual-spectrum person would be happy to have sex whenever, regardless of context.

Sexually Available: Again, consent / compulsory sexuality issues, and rarely an actual claimed self-identification.  Implies constant sexual availability regardless of context.

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