the problem isn’t the hard limits and the clear noes and the senses of conviction;
the problem is the wibbly discomfort and the vague unsettled feeling that fails to yield to internal probing and the faintest hint of friction
it’s lack of real-time experience processing and the filter-barriers to noticing recognizing articulating a thought
it’s why-isn’t-this-right and just-wait-a-bit and but-normally-this-feels-like
it’s the tiny quiet hyper-personal accommodations and the Imposing even on those who want to know and it’s conflicted and changeable and Obnoxious
it’s always making room for and avoiding reactions, it’s cost-benefit calculus constantly and subconsciously and it’s
(and then they say what a nice time that was wholly free of suspicion and when do you ever mention how the story ended for you?)
as i’m thinking about writing fiction again, i’m noticing how…not implausible, but un-writeable, certain things feel.
things i’d very much like to see written (or have happen), but cannot possibly seem to construct myself.
namely, at the moment, an arcflux character synching up with another character, so that yeses and noes and desires largely match and mismatches are no big deal.
…when ya fluctuate between repulsion-how-did-i-ever and desire-how-did-i-ever-not, and the latter comes with wanting to be desired (but the former sometimes means feeling dysphoric about being desired)
i cannot even write fix-it fiction.
and i hate that.
if you say “i support all aces! this is a safe ace space! ace means anyone asexual demi or grey!”
and then also say,
“aces don’t experience any sexual attraction” — uh, where did the demi and grey folks go suddenly? and:
“it’s acephobic erasure to like X character having sex” — uh, what about…the aces who have sex… Continue reading
i dunno yo. but this is a thing. dammit.
While I can’t directly respond to the call for more sharing on the subject of sex-favorable asexuality, Talia’s post reminded me that I don’t think I’ve seen many essay-style posts on personal experiences of being arcflux, at least not lately, so that’s what this’ll be. My goals here: a handy post for linking if I […]
tryina figure out how to reblog on wordpress, bloop bloop CHECK OUT THIS RAD POST
hey folks, if you haven’t already seen and/or completed grey-is-my-favourite-color’s survey, and you id as grey or related to grey, please consider doing so!!
it’s going to help create an awesome resource, and all in time for AAW. huge kudos to Mara.
below are my answers along with the questions, for the curious 🙂
“this man id’s as graysexual and here’s what it means: [shitty af definition]”
god. what was that about all visibility being good??
((and ofc never ever able to tell what is reporter fixating on wrong shit, what is interviewee having toxic ideas i disagree with, who absolutized what piece of narrow definition….))