boundaries

the problem isn’t the hard limits and the clear noes and the senses of conviction;

the problem is the wibbly discomfort and the vague unsettled feeling that fails to yield to internal probing and the faintest hint of friction

it’s lack of real-time experience processing and the filter-barriers to noticing recognizing articulating a thought

it’s why-isn’t-this-right and just-wait-a-bit and but-normally-this-feels-like

it’s the tiny quiet hyper-personal accommodations and the Imposing even on those who want to know and it’s conflicted and changeable and Obnoxious

it’s always making room for and avoiding reactions, it’s cost-benefit calculus constantly and subconsciously and it’s

so uninterruptable.

(and then they say what a nice time that was wholly free of suspicion and when do you ever mention how the story ended for you?)

writeable

as i’m thinking about writing fiction again, i’m noticing how…not implausible, but un-writeable, certain things feel.

things i’d very much like to see written (or have happen), but cannot possibly seem to construct myself.

namely, at the moment, an arcflux character synching up with another character, so that yeses and noes and desires largely match and mismatches are no big deal.

…when ya fluctuate between repulsion-how-did-i-ever and desire-how-did-i-ever-not, and the latter comes with wanting to be desired (but the former sometimes means feeling dysphoric about being desired)

i cannot even write fix-it fiction.

and i hate that.

uh. contradiction there

if you say “i support all aces! this is a safe ace space! ace means anyone asexual demi or grey!”

and then also say,

“aces don’t experience any sexual attraction”  — uh, where did the demi and grey folks go suddenly?  and:

“it’s acephobic erasure to like X character having sex”  — uh, what about…the aces who have sex… Continue reading

on being arcflux

While I can’t directly respond to the call for more sharing on the subject of sex-favorable asexuality, Talia’s post reminded me that I don’t think I’ve seen many essay-style posts on personal experiences of being arcflux, at least not lately, so that’s what this’ll be.  My goals here: a handy post for linking if I […]

https://theacetheist.wordpress.com/2015/10/09/on-being-arcflux/

tryina figure out how to reblog on wordpress, bloop bloop CHECK OUT THIS RAD POST