i’m vibrating as a result of good in-person talks and feeling like i need to In General collate my, like, writing and resources and a CV or whatever, but also like i have More Things To Say than i’ve been remembering

so, some snips of things i want to write about soon!

– a/romantic and romance-repulsion, while being someone who partners strongly and thrives off having partnerships, buuut said partnerships being primarily in 1. domestic, logistical, emotional processing ways and 2. kink ways. talk about disidentifying with the aro(ace) narrative of never finding romance important/appealing, but then finding it in practice just viscerally No in lots of little ways

– musing on recent convos around group naming and language and wordsmithing. how impressive (and how much Work and extensive collaboration) mission statements like The Unruly’s are with decentering men/masculinity while also being clear about being a space where people who do sometimes (just not exclusively) id as/with those are welcome, and also not falling into the “women plus also non-binary people” trap. how to describe a space that’s transmasculine-centric but isn’t exclusive to transmasc-iding folks, how to word to invite nb folks who aren’t transfeminine without being transmisogynistic or misleading about the constituency and without making it about CASAB which is ew and hey intersex folks exist, and without making it about some assumed shared “socialization” while also yeah the purpose of the peer group is similar experiences

– the carnival of aces topic (idk if it’s current or past now) of love languages, and being told yours obviously is touch by a parent who’s Out of touch, and how the fuck does one cultivate or properly boundariedly Ask for quality time, and just many issues and circling around this very compelling framework kinda like the seven deadly sins tbh

– slowly working on updating Trans Ally Tips from ucd to be more modern/what *i* would advise, and all the shortcomings of that, not knowing the original author nor how to find out who anymore, the issues of doing it as One Person but really being daunted by how to make it collaborative, the ongoing issue of Audience and kink scene vs higher education vs generic…

– similarly i got some website domains and have so many ideas, one for my career field where i want to have lots on captioning and accessibility and transparency around the tech/options and self-advocacy stuff and resources for people entering the career too and even linguistics things, and one ( – currently an Art placeholder) for nb stuff and specifically yes-gender zero-binary-relation stuff, and nonstandard transition stuff, and allyship tips including infrastructure/institutional things… but, collating from past scattered posts or generating anew, and time, and organization/display, and the big thing is Professional Image and whether the two Connect and if they do does that mean censoring stuff about kink or sexuality (or spirituality-) or detailed body or sex stuff, and…

– newly: what if tried zines/comics. with zero art experience/confidence. does that better convey the gender/identity stuff i keep wanting people to Please Get? could i Do That?

okay maybe some of those later points are mostly covered here. but. and mmm i haven’t even been writing here lately about the stuff that’s gone back to feeling more Taboo Weird Personal, and maybe some of that’s having a great partner who fulfills most of my talking-about-shit needs, but maybe some of that’s less good.

also probably should write about body stuff (skincare; weight and internalized Not A True Sufferer-ism) but it’s newly raw again and i should make time to watch the queer body love series i got for my birthday first.

also i’m thirty and feeling weird about “18-29” spaces which i keep seeing even though maybe it’s the same space advertising multiple places and anyway i’m mostly glad to finally be past the “sure i’m not in my thirties but Soon Will Be so i’ll self-select out” awkwards of brain internals.

Ace & Paper: Contradictions(?)

So Coy wrote an excellent piece on ace and stone – how they have similar struggles, similar stigmas, yet are seen as incompatible and mutually exclusive, policed as wholly separate, all while holding some of the same draws to a community and identity. This is barely a summary, and I highly recommend reading the piece.

In the comments, I realized that oh, wow – some people were now seeing paper as incompatible with ace. Continue reading


as i’m thinking about writing fiction again, i’m noticing how…not implausible, but un-writeable, certain things feel.

things i’d very much like to see written (or have happen), but cannot possibly seem to construct myself.

namely, at the moment, an arcflux character synching up with another character, so that yeses and noes and desires largely match and mismatches are no big deal.

…when ya fluctuate between repulsion-how-did-i-ever and desire-how-did-i-ever-not, and the latter comes with wanting to be desired (but the former sometimes means feeling dysphoric about being desired)

i cannot even write fix-it fiction.

and i hate that.

uh. contradiction there

if you say “i support all aces! this is a safe ace space! ace means anyone asexual demi or grey!”

and then also say,

“aces don’t experience any sexual attraction”  — uh, where did the demi and grey folks go suddenly?  and:

“it’s acephobic erasure to like X character having sex”  — uh, what about…the aces who have sex… Continue reading


i just find it especially funny that, with all the “don’t lump allos together!!  don’t hypersexualize lgb people or woc and don’t desexualize disabled people, and if you lump everyone into allo you’re sex-shaming and oppressive!”

is tooooootally the opposite with kink.  shame every single kinkster.  they’re all cishet white (((abled))) scum anyway who just wanna feel special.  if they say it’s to cope w neurodivergence or survivorhood that’s bad and they should fix it because their kink is oppressive!! Continue reading

on being arcflux

While I can’t directly respond to the call for more sharing on the subject of sex-favorable asexuality, Talia’s post reminded me that I don’t think I’ve seen many essay-style posts on personal experiences of being arcflux, at least not lately, so that’s what this’ll be.  My goals here: a handy post for linking if I […]

tryina figure out how to reblog on wordpress, bloop bloop CHECK OUT THIS RAD POST